my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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