I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Randomize
