Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
