I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
