So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
