mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Randomize
