is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize