We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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