What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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