he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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