I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
