If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize