This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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