I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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