i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
