I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
