I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
