i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
