i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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