Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
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