You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
