Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
