i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
