I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
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