my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
