so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
