in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
