I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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