I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize