my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
