I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
you win again, gameday.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
