Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
