Whod you bang
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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