It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize