I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
