I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
