super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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