lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
