Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
