3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
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