i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
