eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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