i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
