Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
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and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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