new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Randomize
