i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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