I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i already hear my dad disowning me
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
