I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
splinters make it hard to masturbate
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
