Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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