oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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