Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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