Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
