His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
