Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
