well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
