Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
