Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
