Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I can't turn off my feet"
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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