I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
