It's Friday. Sex?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
