What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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