9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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