Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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