im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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