Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Randomize