so explain again why im purple
no
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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