Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
this will be a night to untag.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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