Swine flu. Run for my life!
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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