dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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